lately

In January, I had the opportunity to interview for a position that opened up in the department that I did my MSW internship with. I was really excited about the possibility of rejoining the team as a full-time staff member. I had some great references and I nailed, I mean nailed, my interview. It was weird to think about potentially leaving Access, but this was such a great opportunity that I just couldn't pass it up.

I ended up not getting the position, but found out that it had been down to me and one other girl... the student that had actually trained me when I originally started in the program. I have a lot of respect for her, and I know that she'll be great at the job, but I was crushed. 

I felt ready to give up. I had interviewed for a few other jobs, most of them part-time that I'd be able to do in addition to my current job, and I was spent. Constantly putting myself out there drained me more than I had realized. I think you can only market yourself and get invested in these potential positions so much before you just lose it. The night I found out, I think Eric thought I was never going to go on another job interview ever again. But I was just so, so tired.

I don't know how she knew how much I needed it, but Shelly called me... I think it was a total God-thing.  She affirmed that I do have important skills and talents and that I am worth it. She encouraged me not to get down on myself, "I don't think you realize what an amazing woman you are, don't discount yourself!" Being married is great in that you have a live-in cheerleader, but this just meant so much to me coming from her. I just really needed it.

So if I'm honest, I would like to leave Access. When and for what opportunity, I'm not sure, but I know that I won't be doing what I'm doing for very long. Over the last couple of months I've definitely been learning a lesson on contentment and making the best of where I'm at. But with that I've had to intentionally change my attitude, and I've been amazed at how much it's helped me just keep plugging along.

Sometimes I struggle with not being employed full-time, and I think how nice it would be to have two full-time incomes... but I feel like I'm where I need to be right now. And with that, I definitely feel more free to do things that make me happy. But this is post is long enough, so I'll talk more about that next time :)

PS.... you're welcome, Steph!